I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I could make wine with my vomit
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
