The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
