You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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