No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
