he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
FUCK WHALES
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
