I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
