i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
