He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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