so explain again why im purple
no
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
