i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
