at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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