Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
