You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
