I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
