Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
