I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I touched a dick in church today
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
