why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
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Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
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I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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