I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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