I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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