I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
