so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
