Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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