The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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