I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
i now understand why vodka
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
