wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
