We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
