His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
this just has baby written all over it
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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