He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
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