tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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