omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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