super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
please come you make the beer taste better
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
