we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Randomize
