I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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