mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
