I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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