my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have aggressive nipples.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
