sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
