Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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