his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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