Don't make out with my wife yet
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
