i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
