i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Randomize
