you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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