I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
