My first STD was from a foam party
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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