the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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