fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
