i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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