HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
