Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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