So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
