And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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