my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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