so that wasnt chicken after all
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
