i don't like sucking hair
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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