she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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