Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
