Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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