I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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