it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
