I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
