Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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