i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
