I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
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