So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
