Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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