you guys were way drunker than both of me
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Randomize
