its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
