When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
