You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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