After last night, I could never be a politician.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
