Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
