Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
