butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
