If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I deserve this hangover.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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