I'm lost and stupid without you.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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