Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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