Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We just shotgunned beers for America
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
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