how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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